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Humans as a dead branch – Part II

I will use the  crude graphic I scraped below you to explain the evolutionary destiny of our species compared to other less and more successful species, namely bonobos and gorillas.

gorilla-bonobo-hume-chart

The Dead Branch

On evolutionary scale, gorillas branched off the main homo tree (yeah, at some point in history carried a whole different connotation, thank god — or whoever ruled the earth by then) earlier than us or the pygmy chips. They did so because they were a bit inferior to what was – at that time – the emerging homo smartness, represented by us in their current form – homo sapiens. The reason why some species evolved and some did not lies chiefly in the way they fuck.

 

Or suck, does not matter.

Or suck, does not matter.

 

Let me explain: gorillas have small testicles and dicks.  Counter to some unprecedented theories out there, there lies an honorable reason behind that fact. Female gorilla impregnation process is normally preceded by a fight between all males who 1) were fit enough to do it and 2) had the need to do it. Because, let’s face it – wet pussy sometimes is not worth the time or trouble {insert_cheezy_exqample_here}. In the gorilla case: getting your ass kicked by your gang strongest brute. He’ll just bash your head into slurp, and not only that, but in front all your peers and potential hot gorilla pussy.

This male-female relation has a human analog and could be observed around night clubs or in places where female population is outnumbered by a factor of 10:1.

So, about gorilla fight for the female: only the strongest male wins and gets to fuck her. All the rest of the loser gorillas can masturbate their way out of this, thus wasting tons of perfectly good sperm.

 

Sorry gorilla, you are beautiful, but not from the inside

Sorry gorilla, you are beautiful, but not from the inside

 

Contrary to what most assume, Survival of the fittest worked well during Jurassic period. Now it’s time for us to either use our brain or get extinct. Is our extinction related to our sexual behavior? I think yes. That, or alien invasion.

The Surviving Species

Take a look at how the little bonobos fuck.

 

they don't even look like monkeys when it comes to sex

they don’t even look like monkeys when it comes to sex

 

 

Bonobos live in groups, of course, where all females are being fucked by all the males, without any fights for the best ass or any other jealousy induced dumb behavior like that. Male bonobos get to fuck lots of females thus letting everybody enjoy sex and, at the same time, let the fight for best genes take place on sperm level. Part of the reason why bonobos have much bigger balls compared to gorillas, even humans.

 

some, no all

some humans at least…

 

To recap: Gorillas fight to fuck while bonobos just fuck everything that has a wet hole and a pair of titties. Instead of fighting for pussy, they relax after they fuck it.

I’ll let you decide which species are more human-like.

While bonobos cuddle or just roll happily around in grassy leaves, the battle for the best gene is taken on a sperm level, compared to gorillas, where the best gene is passed to the one who is able to best bash heads and rip limbs. As I said before, this is a good way to survive during dinosaur times, but noways brute force gives way to creative thought. While ancient times predominantly required survival instincts and raw power, the now favors how one uses their brain. That being said, I am actually surrounded with ridiculous counterexamples that drain the tiny hope I have left for humanity.

With fairly recent development of the brain in primates – which we humans claim we are best at currently – priorities quickly shift and those who failed to adapt – gorillas for example – become nothing more than trash DNA. Nature confirmed that project ‘gorilla’ was no longer relevant to the new reality here on Earth, and is now undergoing a slow but sure shut down.

So where do we stand in all this? Unfortunately for us, human male-female relationships today a more gorillas-esque. We are jealous protectors of our only female that nobody else can fuck. With common negative meaning of promiscuity and promotion of marital relationships we have gradually managed to frame our own progress to a healthy evolution. It’s a dead end instead. We have jsut adopted a model that time has proven to be unworthy.

With this wretched and irreversible process been triggered now, the only thing we can do, as Sublime said: “might as well take our time“.

 

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11 Comments

  1. it sorta makes sense, and I’ve heard about the bonobos before how they fuck instead of fighting each time there’s tension, but I din’t see you point, be it philosophical or humorous.

    There’s both gorillas, and bonobos, bothe species exist and do their thing; there’s humans that actually fly to space and invent medicine, so what’s a ‘dead branch’? That we’re gonna die out because there’s marriage? I highly doubt that.

    There are promiscuous people too and we have sex before marriage, some fuck a lot of women in marriage too 🙂 PLus jusdging by the results the constraints are a bit more fruitful, it’s the austere white christian (at large) civilization that has invented computers video games, not some free love tribe in africa.

    Those are my opinions, but in relation to article they are still persisting too and you don’t make any point as it seems, just making observations. Some moments are stil very funny, mostly pictures and their captions.

    maybe I’m a dumbbell and missed your point where you made it

    • нщг вшв еру кшпре ерштп says:

      Thanks for the comment.

      One of the things I tried to point out was that we are evolved monkeys. However, there will be no such thing as evolved us in the future. We are it, just like gorillas, dead end.

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